fredart : blogbits

Well, it was an interesting experiment, to be sure. I’ve been very quiet about it and other stuff recently, so much so that the few blogs that i have done has led people to believe that i’m very depressed right now, or just feeling in some sort of funk that wont go away. That’s not really true. The fact is, there’s a lot going on right now, and more than I had planned. DId you know that i’ve taken two trips in the past two weeks? Didn’t miss a comic, either Sarah and I took a short vacation trip into Canada for the weekend, came back last night and finished the Circuity series. Some different extremes, to be sure.

I decided to wait till i was done with Circuity to talk about it in a rant on the MT site, because it’s one of those few times that i was able to do something that was started and finished in a short period of time, and was a self contained work. I almost lost my nerve to finish it two comics back, i was worried about the dreaded label of ‘melodrama’ and the ubiquitous ‘i don’t get it’ but i stuck to my guns and finished it. The real reason i had trouble finishing the last two pages was that i wasn’t in the kind of serious, sombre mood that i needed to be in to finish those days. I had to take myself there, and that wasn’t really fun.

You need to be careful about the stories you set down to write. You may be in the right mood to do it when you set out, but have a care for later on, there may be depths of feeling you really don’t want to go back to.

- pirotunes: Dwight Ashley - I Swallowed A Thousand Saws -

A slightly bigger gap in rants and blogs than usual recently, but that is mostly because i’ve been writing three things at once, and oddly enough, it has been working. I’ve been writing chapter 7 and establishing a good general framework for it, i’ve been working on this omake (which really a highly distilled and focused version of the original ‘circuity’ story idea, which would prolly have been 100 pages and really IS different than what you are reading, an odd mirror/turbulent refraction of the original :P) and… I have finally got my arms fully around the warmth story. Yes, warmth. I’ve mapped the entire thing out now, and even tho its still a grand overview, i’ve started to map down the bigger chunks so the details can start connecting things together. Long time coming, but its finally puling together.

I sorta hate being a “method creator” - kinda like a method actor (someone who lives the part they are acting), the stuff that goes on the paper in front of me has to go thru my head, and tends to wreak all sorts of havoc on the way down. ^^;; This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, because writing stuff that makes you feel certain ways is a lot like watching stuff that makes you feel certain ways… thats what art and storytelling is all about. Some of us are lucky enough that we are able make stuff that effects us, and the real lucky ones find that it effects others as well.

So i’m kinda lucky, i guess. But it puts all of you at the mercy of what i am willing to put myself through

Honestly, though, this omake has been a nice stretch for me. I’m an intense person in a lot of ways, and the sad fact is this is where my work tends to lean… but i think this leaning is part of what makes the lighters side of my work, which is also very important to me, work as well as it can sometimes. I have an odd sense of humor that is there even in the deepest darkest parts of my pysche… which is a good thing. It’s like always knowing where the door is.

The last chapter had quite a few serious moments in it, and you could almost say it was a little off balance, but it had to be done to get things really into the places i needed them to be. The balance of chapter 7 is going well so far, and the intent is that the start of it should be a nice contrast to this rather serious between-chapter omake.

anyway, all this methodology has been making me moody and uncommunicative if you look at my website mutterings, but the truth is i feel good about what i’ve been creating, and it’s stuff that will be feeding the things i make for many months to come.

Well, this is kinda odd. I haven’t received a single complaint, bitch or whine about the serious omake sequence so far. It’s either two things… lots of people have just gone away until i’m done with the Omake, or most of the people who keep wanting things to go back to chapter 0 style wackiness have finally given up. Or, maybe people like it so far, i dunno. Or maybe i should just stop worrying about it. Yeah, i should try that.

One thing that Omakes (an omake, btw, is japanese for ‘extra’ and is usually a small, short, funny piece that they do at the end of shows or the end of manga chapters - usually funny, but not always) and gaps between chapters do is give you room to make bigger adjustments in your creative attitude than you can mid-comic. I didn’t have much room for that with the last chapter because i really needed to jump right into chapter 6 - there was no room for dallying - but this chapter has given me some room and i’m attempting to use it. So far so good, i think… if nothing else, i find myself being more expressive with the art than i sometimes am.

I’ve been trying to make some adjustments to the way i work, the way i create, and plans for the future. Increasing output is not something that you just make happen by brute force. There needs to be some kind of intimate understanding about how you create in order to understand how to better that process. This is something i’ll probably always struggle with, but i think that i’m starting to have a little more confidence that most of my stronger ideas won’t result in a hail of tomatoes from the MT readership. If i were ever to do anything that incited that kind of reaction from readers, i’m sure that really i’d be the first one to throw one.

- pirotunes: Closer To God - Urbs ‘N Chaoz -

It’s probably safe to post this information here - i’m assuming that the people who have less than humane comments about my sister’s new baby don’t come here

Jen is doing fine, as is the baby. It’s premature and jen had a lot of complications, but we’re past all of that now, both are doing quite well. Oh, i think Mike has made it through ok as well Sarah and I are going to go see them all today, and as it is a bit of a drive from here, it’s gonna cause more delays in comic production, but it’s no more delay than people should be used to from me anyway

Thanks for all the best wishes for Jen, Mike and their baby, and for all the support in following my nose and doing this somewhat different omake for chapter 7. I suppose i just have some things i need to channel out, and this is allowing me to do so.

- pirotunes: November Process - Mindshadow (v2) -

A developmental sketch from one of the Omake ideas i’ve been kicking around for a while. Not a bad drawing, a little sketchy, but serviceable.

- pirotunes: Dilate - Sea Level -

I’m not feeling very funny right now.

I suppose it’s normal and just part of being human, and these kinds of things don’t change overnight, or swing in predictable ways. Writing is a bit of an emotional roller coaster, and the hardest parts are always when you are cutting new paths and clearing away brush to create new material. It’s a very hard process to quantify, and it’s been making me unusually sullen and quiet in recent weeks. For that, i apologize.

There are other things on my mind too. The nature of having a site like Megatokyo is that a good chunk of your life is on display for thousands of people to see, and there are a lot of things i tend to keep to myself. This blog and other rants on the MT site sound enough like Live Journals as it is. I’m not a big person for excuses, and i try not to give reasons for why things are every late, or why im having problems with things… so, of course, people just assume i’m lazy. Thats ok, i’d rather people think that than share many of the problems i sometimes have to deal with. That’s the nature of having a personal life that really isn’t important for other people to know about.

That said, sometimes things are big enough that i should say something, to at least give some reason for more lengthy delays (or potential delays). My sister, Jennifer, is in the hospital because they have been having problems with her pregnancy. Things will probably be ok in the long run, but it’s been a difficult process for Jen and Mike. As you might guess, and since it’s a bit of a drive to get to where they are, this will have some effect on the schedule of things this week and prolly next to some degree (because i am in development on a lot of things) so… please bear with me, and i appreciate your patience.

This, of course, is not the only reason i’ve been feeling sombre… i’m not sure really what it is, but part of it is being reflected in my being torn between two Omake ideas. One of them is not unlike Grand Theft Colo (tho it is quite different) - the same kinda no holds bared kinda thing that i like to do sometimes. A little wacky, a little disturbing, a little crazy. People like them well enough. The problem is, i have another idea, and its far more serious, and sombre, and thats the one i want to do… i’m just not sure i could get away with it.

I might do it anyway, because the Omake really is more about me getting a short release from the bonds of the MT story and the major structures it has. A release from that doesnt mean i have to do crazy things, it just means i have to do things that stretch muscles that i haven’t stretched in a while… and i suppose i have a desire to follow my nose.

The positive thing, however, is that for some reason i’m drawing a lot. I’ve been sketching and drawing a LOT, and that’s a good thing. I suppose i’m, as usual, turning to the one thing that lets my emotive ideas seep out into something tangible… and its something that just happens.

- pirotunes: Paxahau: Paxahau… Detroit’s Electronic Music Resource -