adrift
Well, i have to say, it certainly has not been a very good week for me so far… in fact, it’s been quite a depressing series of events ^^;; Most of them are surmountable, and really just challenges to overcome (like, having to move the Megagear store to another software platform when we get back from our trip to South Dakota), but something happened yesterday that makes me feel particularly alienated, and its not a fun feeling.
Odd, really, the kinds of places you feel are ‘homes’ of sorts. I made the mistake of thinking that i understood a certain place i used to hang out and made some decisions that i felt would help protect the place. My mis-reading of the the other residents in making this decision led to an unprecedented level of personal and hurtful attacks that honestly left me reeling, and has made me feel more than a little unwelcome in my old haunt. Well, not not the number of the attacks, the nature of them.
There are accusations made to my face i am a liar, that i did something that in the past i said i was not going to do. I guess it is unforgivable to change your mind about something, based on much thinking and discussions with a variety of people. I will have to remember that. Funny, really… i am not a liar, i have a character fault that this is a reflection of. I tend to tell people what they want to hear - especially aggressive people. This can lead to contradictions in what people expect me to do. I try very hard to balance things and do what i think is best, and sometimes this gets me in trouble.
In the end, i am a willful person. I do what i want to do and what i think is right, even when i understand that it will make some people unhappy. In this case i really misjudged things (as usual) and find myself no longer comfortable in this old haunt anymore. I wasn’t expecting this, so I’m feeling rather alienated now.
It’s a shame, and i’m going to miss hanging out there. I really didn’t want to say anything about it (people often write ‘i’m leaving!’ threads, and it is a childish thing to do) but its bothering me enough that i feel i have to say something somewhere - and where better than on my own silly blog 
I feel sad about the whole situation. No drama, no angst, just… sad. Maybe this week trip is happening at a good time, i think i need some air.
- pirotunes: Markus Guenther - Pilot -
October 11th, 2005 at 1:25 pm
Are you sure you won’t come back to us? As much of a mess we made yesterday, I can still say for certain that no one, not even the one calling you a lier, has anything but respect for you. I know you don’t like to put your foot down, but leaving us to guess what the future holds causes us to speculate endlessly, as SDers are mentally conditioned to do. Without your side of the story, we will always discuss the potential worst-case situation and whip our selfs into a frenzy.
Story discussions is YOUR meeting hall, and it isn’t really SD if you are not there. If someone judged you falsely, we as a group are more than willing to rise up and defend your honour. But that is only possible if you permit us to do so by being present and openly oppose it.
I personally didn’t like Ray, but that doesn’t mean he would be a bad person for the job. Who I like or don’t like should have no bearings on what you do. I can go back to SD and ask them if they had been willing to give Ray a few weeks trial, and I am CERTAIN they would have said yes. Even those who loath him, respects you and your opinions. (though it is worrying that Ray had just suggested that he might increase his SD mod future potential by swearing like Crack…)
Those of us who made the comments on Ray were not claiming you had made a mistake; rather, we were worried, but are all completly prepared to see what the new Mod team would do in the fullness of time. I am sorry it turned out this way, and hope there is a happy ending here.
October 11th, 2005 at 2:00 pm
Fred don’t feel bad. Your Site, Your Fourms, Your Servers, Your Bandwith.. Your Rules and if the loud minority don’t like it or the decisions you make for it, tough. Let them make their own boards to do what they want.
Have a good and safe trip.
October 11th, 2005 at 2:28 pm
oh, god.
i just went to look at what SD has become since this morning..
excuse me if i dont have a lot of sympathy for the SD “community” — i left about half a year ago when things started going downhill.
but what sabyr said to you was completly uncalled for.
or maybe it was, i dont know.
he did overreact, he was immature, and he crossed a line (a number of them, even).
i think a little “air” could fix all of our problems.
reminds me…i still need to watch the summer special.
hope things pick up for you.
hiro
October 11th, 2005 at 2:30 pm
Fred,
Please don’t let the outraged vitriol drive you from a place YOU considered home. I personally don’t care who the moderators are/were. More people support your decisions than the wailers and gnashers of teeth, we however, are silent because we don’t wish to add to the distraction that these flame threads cause. Please don’t take our desire to not add to the volume as assent to your vacating SD. We want you around Fred. You face unwarranted criticism and outright character assassination with far more grace than I would.
October 11th, 2005 at 2:43 pm
I sympathize completely. As a relative new comer to SD, I wasn’t aware of the hostility towards Ray which some of them more senior members seem to have, but I was astounded by the hostility which just erupted out of people who I’d previously considered pretty understanding. Whether a good or bad decision, the personal attacks were completely uncalled for and I’m ashamed to think that these actions will probably be assumed as representing the opinion of the majority of the board, which is simply untrue.
I hope you won’t let a little bad feeling alienate you completely. Doubtless a number of people such as myself who were on your side didn’t post for fear of doing nothing but further escalating the situation. I only hope that you, Ray, and Refugee don’t hold any resentment against the board due to the actions of a few.
October 11th, 2005 at 3:27 pm
I’m just like you, in that I often tell people exactly what they want to hear. Sometimes it helps, but sometimes it can backfire.
It might not feel like it now, but I’m sure things will get better for you. And I know that your work, you vision, means too much to you, as you’ve said, to let something get in the way of it.
All the best,
~L
October 11th, 2005 at 3:54 pm
Fred, please don’t let the actions of a couple of jackasses and their sycophants run you out of SD. It’d be a better place if those people were gone and you stayed. This is making me feel very sick now.
October 11th, 2005 at 4:05 pm
Fred, don’t let the inmates run the asylum.
October 11th, 2005 at 4:44 pm
Fred, Just remember who made those comments and how it fits with their personality on the forums. Everyone has their own ideas as to how the forums should be and then they conflict, well, we all tend to react in different ways. But I’m impressed at how you’ve thickened your skin over the past couple of years - you would have had a much more violent reaction that what you have shown here. You have the right to be stung and feel saddened, but gain strength from those of us who are mostly silent.
October 11th, 2005 at 5:31 pm
i’d hug you in comfort, but that i do not feel obligated to do. i just hope things get better for you. try not to think about people like that. they aren’t worth your time. :/
October 11th, 2005 at 7:39 pm
You didn’t misjudge the community… you just made a decision. Any decision is likely to be unpopular with SOMEONE at SOME POINT. What happened was the people who disagreed with it were very loud and disrespectful about it, and were in fact SO loud and disrespectful that those (like me) who agreed with your decision were drowned out. Your decision hadn’t even had time to show any promise, much less problems. In the future, I’d hope you simply stick to your guns for a while, let the whiners get things out of their system and move on, instead of caving to the opinions of a couple jerks who think they own the place. You only legitimized their “power” in SD, and I think that’s regrettable.
In the end, I think that’s the only mistake you made here. You came to a decision, and then let someone else sway it without giving any time to see its effects (if any) on the forum. In the process, you let two loudmouths make you feel unwelcome in your OWN HOME on the forum. Doesn’t that seem wrong to you?
October 11th, 2005 at 8:07 pm
Not wanting to stick my hand into the fray I stayed quiet on the situation. I had no problem with Ray and Ref as MODs, and I agree with what WK has said above. It’s your comic, your forum, do as you please with it.
October 11th, 2005 at 8:33 pm
I committed the sin of at least understanding the various viewpoints (outside of those who simply showed up to have “fun” or posture) — so now I think everyone hates me
… at least for now.
As my wife hammers into my head, don’t make commitments or say things you can’t execute. The addendum to that is when you DO change your mind or realize you won’t complete on execution, the earlier you tell people, the fewer pitchforks come your way.
I’ll always tell you what I think. I think you have one of the best damn comics on the web. I thank you for introducing me to the culture of anime and manga I would have *never* sought out otherwise. And now I’m going to watch the first episode of Nanoha A.
October 11th, 2005 at 8:37 pm
I think you did the right thing Fred. They were being wolves. And it was only a few anyway. I love reading what you post. Please don’t leave.
October 11th, 2005 at 8:54 pm
Just come visit here and there when SD isn’t having an off day.
Sit back, chill, look at some CGs…etc. 
October 11th, 2005 at 9:02 pm
Sigh, I just don’t get it. I go to Story Discusssion to discuss the story. I would think that discussing the story would be the heart of any webcomic’s forum. Who is a moderator has very little effect on my experience. I’m not even sure what SD culture is supposed to be except that it seems to be something only self-proclaimed leaders by virtue of their ability to post a lot know about and other people don’t. I know they don’t speak for me.
I certainly know I value the fact that you start the thread for each comic, and check them enough to see when something in the comic was confusing and could be fixed. I don’t care who is moderator so long as someone can lock threads when needed. I do care if you don’t feel welcome on your own forums because of the actions of what seem to be no more than 5 or 6 individuals at most. When it comes down to it, more than any of the other forums, you are the reason we are all there in Story Discussion. Without you there is no story to discuss. Anyone who wouldn’t welcome you in your own forum about your own story would be pretty darn silly.
October 11th, 2005 at 9:41 pm
Fred lied. End of story. He said this guy will never mod. And he gives him mod. He wanted us to have someone who knows the community and he gives us someone who the community doesn’t not give a flying shit about.
Now Ref, i have no problems with. Giving someone like Sabyr or Phydeaux admin would make them more impressionable when they posted. Every post would be seen as a truth because they’re mods.
I just think Fred has to remember that his little hole in the forums house many people who really don’t want to see it going to shit.
October 11th, 2005 at 10:07 pm
i suggest you keep your accusations to yourself on my blog. I wont ban people from forums, but i will not suffer you coming into my house and making those accusations. consider yourself warned, Dante P.
October 11th, 2005 at 10:14 pm
Fred,
I like your stuff. I like you, also.
My dad used to tell me about his job. He was a manager. He said that with every decision he’d make half the people he worked with angry.
“The trouble is,” he said, “is that it’s a different half each time.”
“So you’re screwed no matter what you do?” I asked him.
“Yup” he said.
“So what do you do? Isn’t there a way to fix it?” I asked.
“…” he said.
He looked very sad, and kind of sheepish.
-R.
October 11th, 2005 at 10:15 pm
Fred: I know by this time you have prolly stopped reading these comments and that’s good. It means that you are moving on. Something we all need to do.
Something happened last night while I was sleeping. I can’t comment on what happened because I was asleep and missed it. What I do know is that I logged in this afternoon afterschool and found this.
I love you Fred and all of the people in the forums especially SD. I don’t want you guys to play the blame game and say it’s Phy’s or Fred’s or Ray’s fault that this happened. I don’t care what happened or who started it. I just want it to stop.
Now, you can say, is it really your place to tell us, any of us, what to do? And you are right. It’s not. In fact, this pretty much proved that none of us have the power to tell eachother to do anything. But, I’m not saying this for attention or to grant myself power, but to try to get us back to normal. Because I just us all to be back to the way it was.
I want you back, Fred. I love you, and so do all of us to varying degrees. I felt personally responcible for what happened as part of the SD community. And we are a community. One that is strong and vibrant with our own key members, rules, and problems and I am proud to be a member of it even it hard times like these.
I guess this has no meaning. Just me trying to express to you and all of you reading the sense of loss and sadness I experienced when I found out I wouldn’t see you in SD or even IRC.
I’m sorry for what happened and everything and I’m sorry if this offends anybody. I just want this to be over and Fred to come back.
October 11th, 2005 at 11:47 pm
The whole thing was a case of “much heat, little light.” It lowered my opinion of some people, and confirmed my low opinion of others. A very few improved in my sights. (perhaps it’s just as well I didn’t get a chance to participate in the “discussion.”) And regardless of where you’d left things, I doubt much change would have been noticable to most of us in a couple of weeks. (well, except for the “no mods at all” option - that would only let the trolls breed.)
I’m saddened to hear of the personal attacks on you through private means as well as what was posted on the boards. The stuff on the boards was bad enough, I can only imagine what came through privately.
Do your best to put it behind you and NOT think about it, because whenever you do, it’ll only get you worked up again. It’s not worth the personal agony.
For what it’s worth, add me to the list of quiet voices who would be happy to see you back _and participating_ in SD.
October 12th, 2005 at 1:38 am
I just wanted to express the general feeling of sympathy everyone is offering. I was there for the whole drama, I got to read what was written as it was happening, and I felt bad for you. Most of the stuff was down right mean and ugly, not to mention childish. And, as Riffster said, I’m sure you received much worse behind closed e-mails and pms.
I know that if anyone would have said what they did about me I’d be much in the same boat as you. Honestly, I’d probably be crying right now and not show up for a while back there. I respect you for continueing to post and clear up the situation rather than crawl in a hole to watch/wait for it to blow over. The latter would have been my desicion.
I hope you have a good trip and eventually reunite with your old home. They will be missing you and I’m sure they will be apoligizing as well. You’re “breath of freash air” really couldn’t have come at a better time.
October 12th, 2005 at 7:33 am
Sigh. I would have been fine if Ray and Ref had been retained and a few of the malcontents were given some form of time-out to reconsider their opinions. Some people’s exaggerated sense of integrity does not extend to themselves. Given it was a lie to call you a liar the pot was calling the kettle the shade of night. So we’re back to the “status quo”; whatever that might be. I’ll try to be good till you get back, and I hope you can feel comfortable about returning sometime in the near future. It’s not the same in SD without you.
October 12th, 2005 at 8:56 am
Fred, you have the right to executive decision, and you only did what you thought was best for the community ( couldn’t imagine you doing otherwise). I applaud that. It takes guts to have so many people riding at your mouse click, and you have been doing a good job. Especially for what you claim your personality to be. I do not think that I could ever manage people AND keep a deadline at the same time.
It is not right for people to drive you crazy until you are forced to contradict yourself. Especially on your own turf. That is just rude and inconsiderate. I personally try to never say something that I wouldn’t believe in just to appease someone. And if I don’t deem what I think to be appropriate for the moment, I don’t talk at all. My personal philosophy.
Keep it up. For all the negatives out there, there are positives times a thousand (the negatives are the only ones who take the time to let you know ;)).
October 12th, 2005 at 11:39 am
Mr. Gallagher…Fred, please don’t let this experience keep you from hanging out of your favorite hang outs. This whole fiasco was the result of a personal war between members that dislike each other. This has nothing to do with disliking you. They were so caught up in their rage that they lashed out on everyone, you, Ray, and every MT mod in the forums.
I can’t speak out to every member and lurker that hangs around the SD forums, but I hope you reconsider to come back to SD. This experience doesn’t not reflect the thoughts of thousands of SD members that watched on and were satisfied and respected your decision. In fact many of us were confused to the fact of the whole reason of the argument. How is that for those members
October 12th, 2005 at 12:59 pm
it’s kind of like a gathering of friends, but in that gathering there are people that have hurt or offended you seriously and on a very personal level. Even if there is only one, it will make you uncomfortable within the whole group.
I cannot post, read or even lurk SD forums after some of the things that certain members said about me. I don’t feel comfortable doing so. A lot of friends have told me that its my forum, my server, my bandwidth, and that I could fix this by banning all of the people that make me uncomfortable… but that’s not how i work. These are not reasons to ban people, IMHO. That just leaves the sad choice of not being able to come myself.
I apologize to the rest of the SD community, and honestly i am not worried about things getting back to normal there, with or without me. The mod issue is done and over with.
All that remains is a minor personal issue for me. I can find other places to hang out - it’s not that big of a deal. in fact, there are friends elsewhere that i’ve been neglecting, so when i get back from South Dakota i’ll do some poking around.
Best wishes to everyone in SD, it was fun. If i ever do come back, it will only be if i feel comfortable doing so, and that’ll probably be a while. Life goes on, yknow? It’s not like i ever posted much anyway
October 12th, 2005 at 1:13 pm
It’s funny how sometimes the things you do that are seemingly harmless kind of blow up in your face.
Don’t worry too much. It is, after all, your home, since you’re paying the rent. =)
October 12th, 2005 at 9:48 pm
I’m so sorry things turned out as they did, Fred. I will miss talking to you on IRC and seeing you around SD…I hope you return soon
God, what an unneccesary mess!
October 12th, 2005 at 11:20 pm
I know some people and I said some things that might have been very hurtfull. I hope that you know that some of us (i cant speak for them all) are very sorry for hurting you in anyway. You have the power man. You might have made the right choice, you might have chosen the best people for the job, who knows? We all just want to see you back in SD with all of us.
October 13th, 2005 at 12:25 am
You’ve always been welcome on, yanno, FAF.
October 13th, 2005 at 2:09 am
“If i ever do come back, it will only be if i feel comfortable doing so, and that’ll probably be a while.”………………….
I’ll take this to mean the door is closed, but not locked, and I thank you for that. “Never” is a very long time, and I (and most likely, others) are prepared to wait as long as it takes for your “I’m baaaaack” thread. :-).
And we would understand perfectly, if you did a “special” one-off strip “dedicated” to SD.
October 13th, 2005 at 11:40 am
Fred, you are a bigger man than I, hell you’re a biffer man than every other forum i’ve ever belonged to. You let as ass like Dante P talk to you like that, you tolirated what ever commentes and PM you recieved and no one had been banned. I’ve been to places where talking trash to a mod would get you banned.
You’re the reasdon MT is so popular, you’re the only reason we even had a board or a comiuc to argue about. These peole, whoever they are ned to STFU and find something else to bitch about.
October 13th, 2005 at 11:54 am
Fred?
You didn’t do anything wrong. And you’re part of the community. A vital part I say. Stuff went down without people understanding they hurt others.
Stay healthy and sane. Your friend at Apple - Sparky
PS You’d be welcomed anyplace I’m at
October 13th, 2005 at 12:56 pm
Sparky has the southern left coast covered and I have the northern left coast … safe harbors in a storm (or at least if you’re roadtripping).
Have fun delivering the stuff to that school.
October 13th, 2005 at 2:21 pm
Follow your heart, it will lead you wherever you want to go.
October 13th, 2005 at 2:24 pm
Hey there Fred,
I wasn’t around the morning and afternoon all of this transpired, but in the late evening I scrolled through all three threads where this took place, and I must say, I’m disappointed. I’m disappointed in how things went. it’s one thing to have criticisms or problems with decisions, and it’s a whole nother thing to just be a few rotten cry babies who didn’t get what they wanted. I wish I was there, if only so that I could have defended you and the moderators under fire. I’ve made SD a hangout place for the past two and a half or so years, and I feel as though there’s this air of anxiety that will forever linger in there. It saddens me greatly, but I don’t think any of this could have been avoided. Your decision to implement moderators, or your decision to not. Either way, things likely would have turned out the same.
Don’t fault yourself for what transpired, you did what you thought is right. In life, you make choices that don’t always make everyone happy, and this was one of them. Echoing what others have said, don’t let the vocal minority run the place. I don’t care how many years or how old they are, it isn’t their forum. It isn’t there little community. It’s everyones.
That’s right, it’s yours as well. You’re every much apart of SD as me, or anyone else is, if not more.
Come back Fred.
-Eli
October 13th, 2005 at 8:04 pm
Fred…
Look, I know what it’s like to have something blow up in your face. I once posted something I thought everyone would enjoy and laugh at, and people ridiculed me for posting such crap. Soon afterward, I made another similar mistake and started another thread that fell flat. Both times, the responses I got made me feel like crap. They made me feel like I wasn’t good enough for the forums, like I took a wrong path somewhere along the way. To have someone crush whatever hopes you had that people would enjoy something you did or made is a horrible feeling. Your face turns pale, your heart rate increases, and you’re filled with an insurmountable feeling of disappointment and shame. Nobody wants to have someone that hates them, regardless of whether that person actually does so or not.
Look Fred, to certain people, the decision you made was like a sudden, unexpected slap in the face, and they therefore responded in kind. Were they right to do so? Perhaps not, but different people react to things in different ways. Those two are famous for being rather temperamental, It’s just their style. In truth, they were probably hurt just as much by what you decided as you were hurt by how they reacted.
Right now feelings are hurt on both sides, Fred. And just running from the issue isn’t going to make it any better. The issue of mods in the forums is currently restored to the way it’s always been, so right now there’s only one thing you need to do. You need to be the reasonable one. You need to stand up strong and proud and apologize to the people whose feelings you hurt. If you do, I’m sure they’ll repay you in kind. If they don’t, and they still care to be immature and childish, then at least you’re not at fault. Running away from SD isn’t the answer. When I made those mistakes I mentioned earlier, I never quit, I never gave in, and the next thread I made was appreaciated by all who saw it.
We all care about you at SD, Fred, even if we say harsh things from time to time. If we didn’t care about you and what you’re doing then we wouldn’t go there. And I know the feeling is mutual Fred, because I know that if you didn’t care about your fans you wouldn’t work so hard for them. If you think that no-one in SD wants you to be there then you’re only kidding yourself. That is why in conclusion, I beg you Fred, please come back.
-3Power
October 13th, 2005 at 9:19 pm
Hello,
I comment on here everyonce in awhile under the name Samantha because that is my real name but on the SD forms its kimiko_xp. I am only a minor person there and most likely arn’t noticed in the few times that I hang out there. I am sure that there are lots of people like me who just go everyone in awhile…
For us its really sad that something like this happened… I don’t understand why people were so mean… its just a form for goodness sake. I wonder if people act like this in real life too… anyway… you are the one spending the money and making the comic that supports that forum.
I really don’t think its fair for them to make you feel uncomfortable in your own place. Reciently I was attacked by a “friend” who goes to my karate dojo and I didn’t feel comfortable going there anymore either but I HAD to keep going because I love that place and it was not fair of me to stop going when other people depended on me.
At least these people aren’t facing you with a boken in their hands.
I hope you feel better with whatever you decide but it will really be a shame for you to not come over there anymore. (And here I was expecting to read some threads about l33t sp33k d00d and fun things like that)
October 13th, 2005 at 11:09 pm
…confused… but whatever it was just remember one thing…… W3 l_0v35 j00 4nd M364T0ky0…..
October 14th, 2005 at 2:19 am
“You need to stand up strong and proud and apologize to the people whose feelings you hurt.”
3power, dude, you have GOT to be kidding. I will NOT appologize for doing NOTHING to hurt ANYONE.
One of my many many character faults is that i have a tendency to apologize for things, even if i am not really the one at fault. Sorry, not this time.
October 14th, 2005 at 6:51 am
“3power, dude, you have GOT to be kidding. I will NOT appologize for doing NOTHING to hurt ANYONE. ”
It’s perfectly obvious to me that the reactions that you received were not what you expected at all, thus, it’s obvious to me that you never intended things to turn out that way. As I said earlier, I can can sympathize with that, and not just on the forums, in my personal life as well.
Look Fred, I’m not asking you to apologize for making decicions which I’m sure you decided would be for the best. As other people have said: “your forum, your rules.” You had each and every right to do what you did. Nevertheless, your actions hurt a number of people, and yes they *were* hurt, otherwise they would have never reacted the way they did. You can tell just by the things they said (which I realize are difficult for you to look at) that they felt they had been purposefully insulted. You didn’t mean to insult anyone fred, but you did. That’s the truth of the matter. I happen to know for a fact that the people who flamed you are truly sorry for what they’ve done and want you back in the community. The reason I ask you to apologize, and to *only* apologize for hurting their feelings, is because unless you do, that rift will remain forever. Everyone has had an argument with a friend once in a while, Fred, and unless they both apologize the problem will never go away. Trust me, Fred, I’m sure it’s the right thing to do, as difficult as it may seem.
“One of my many many character faults is that i have a tendency to apologize for things, even if i am not really the one at fault. Sorry, not this time.”
I do the same thing, fred. I hate yelling and arguing with loved ones more than anything else in my life. It merely means you are a sensitive person, and wish to avoid disputes. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.
October 14th, 2005 at 9:30 am
Sorry, there is no way that whatever ‘hurt’ i may have accidentally caused should have in ANY way resulted in LEVEL of nastiness and anger that i was kicked in the face with.
It points out to me how little i understand some of these ‘people’. What happens if i do something else to elicit the same response? Do you really think i will feel comfortable always worried and scared that something i might say or do might result in getting kicked in the face again?
No. I’ve taken many hits from people in the forum over the years, and like you discuss, i let things pass, or just deal with it and move on. I cannont feel ‘comfortable’ in this forum, knowing that some of these people are willing to treat me this way. Smart people avoid abusive relationships
I’m going to close this because i dont want this to be a big long discussion about something im really not happy about, but is also something that i’ve moved past and moved on. Thank you for your efforts, 3power, but I’m really afraid some people really don’t ‘get it’, and i dont really feel like explaining it to anyone anymore